[ Workout Day ]

YOU PUT THAT BACK RIGHT NOW!

I think I may have been a little too lenient with my diet. I applied the cheat day yesterday but I think I over indulged. I worked myself into a little bit of pain to supplement it but I shouldn't have done that. I hope I don't burn out from it. So far, I think as a whole, I am being too lenient with everything.

Today, my stomach was grumbling only 3 hours after having eaten lunch. For lunch, I made my usual chicken, lettuce, olive, dutch smoked cheese and chilli wrap. I make only the one and have some olives on the side with a k-time bar and a bottle of water. Breakfast is Uncle Tobys PLUS (Protein) with a chopped up banana and a handful of blueberries. I usually don't try to take in anything else until lunch time but if I REALLY have to, I have some roasted/unsalted cashews to nibble on or a k time bar.

Dinner, I think, is where I am ultimately going wrong. I finished off the rest of the chilli garlic mince in a pan of light olive oil on some buns for the carbs. According to my dietary meter, I hadn't even had half of my daily intake so I am guessing from the portion size etc, I took in the required for the day but I no longer want to be pushing it this way. I have some chicken breast I want to season in the way that I do, toss in some jalapenos and gently shallow fry it in a tiny bit of olive oil, as to not burn chicken. Alongside it, I want to throw in some steamed carrot, peas and corn. I think that should be my main meal of the night. Only one piece of breast, as well.

Carly threw out my scales so for the last three weeks, I haven't been able to monitor my weight loss. I feel a hell of a lot better, that's for certain. I should go buy a new set tomorrow after work. Right before I get my CPAP machine. This, I am actually really excited for. I hear that it is going to give me nightmares, make sleeping fairly difficult at first and I will wake up incredibly dehydrated and dry. All of these things are small potatoes compared to my end goal. I want to look good and be fit and healthy for myself and Jill by the time I get over there. I would be posting before and after pictures but I don't feel confident that enough has been lost just yet. All in due time.

My aryan wear gear, ghastly/haunter/gengar glow in the dark shirt and my MIDI controller should all be here very soon. I am getting more and more excited for everything coming my way. Any issues, I am hoping I have the dexterity despite my depression trying to wade its way through, to keep up and keep at it. I am a stronger person than I realise and it is about fucking time that I started to realise AND show it.

I worked on my calves, legs, arms and stomach today. My stomach is showing signs of having been worked out which makes me feel happy. Arms could do with some more work but I will get to them tomorrow when this bittong has kicked in and I can tear those muscles even further. My legs feel like they can take more as well. When I am at a more ideal size, I will be going running or jogging/more intense stuff with Anthony who has been VERY supportive and I can't thank him enough. Jill has been as well. Keeping up with me and wishing me luck. It's more than I have ever received in the past so I can't complain.

Bed time now. Early rise with the double bus thing. I will have my music set and ready. Something about having the next day planned ahead for that feels right.